Betrayal (poem)

justin-schuler-259638

 

 

 

betrayal
the big billboard
lit up brightly
on the highway
of my mind 
and morning song
that rouses
me from my sleep
forces my hand
to steer the car
over to the side
of the road.
There, in bold
red letters scrawled
my redrum
twenty feet high
thirty five feet across
illuminated by glaringly
bright white light
I feel the first
of the emotions
associated with the word

Embarrassment
the sticky heavy thick feeling
like it isn’t dark
like the freeway isn’t mine
like someone
could drive by any moment
and see me sitting
on the hood of the car
knees tucked
under my chin
and see me
with the radio in the car
blaring out
with open doors
and the dome light on
the song crescendos
and falls silent
leaving nothing else
to play but the
wind, the crickets,
and the rattle of an engine

It all comes
down to this one thing
the heart of it all
the epicenter
the truth that I
didn’t factor at all
in their equations
forgotten and willfully so
I become see through
on the hood
why, when, how, who, what
all cease to matter
paling to the red letters
a ghost
I take them into me
mercilessly
giving me substance
forcing upon me
unnecessary courage
under the early
October sky

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