Not Pretty (poem)

 

filip-mroz-183341

 

It was hard to watch your taillights disappear
as I stood there at two o’clock in the morning
the stale taste of angry words burning the back of my throat
held in and swallowed down
because you cut me off, shut me down, and walked away

For the last week or so I’ve mourned you
but you’re not dead – you’re just gone
the conversations we’d had, the times we laughed, the intimate things I told you
are now gone away from me and I don’t know how to be

It’s not like you were my lover
you didn’t know me that way but that made this more pure
there was just the need to be together
and i showed you more than my body ever could
you were my friend

But you hit me with your drive by goodbye
your words – bullets, shattering my perception of you
and all the angry shit I want to say just stumbles
out of my mouth and onto the floor unused and tired
before they melt into nothingness

I’m hurt and I miss you and I’ve never felt this naked before
you were a constant voice in my head
and now all I can do is hear myself talk
but I can’t do that again – even if your headlights were to wash over me now
since i haven’t moved from the spot I was in
I’m too afraid you’d leave when I am not pretty

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