Confessions and regrets (Poem)

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(Photo by Soren Astrup Jorgenson)

I used to love you
God, I used to love you
when I was starving myself
and craving affection
I can’t even list the names of
the men i took to bed
wishing it had been you

Or maybe I remember more
than I’m letting on, maybe I
should give the world your number
so’s they can ask you what in the world
were you thinking being so cavalier
with a hungry heart lying prostrate at your feet

I used to pretend that once
the veil was lifted from your eyes and
for the first time see me as I was
and you’d say
“Oh, there you are, I’ve loved you forever.”
and time would lay down and be still
as you loved the feeling of other men’s
hands off my thighs

There was that time once in a restaurant
when the man you were talking to
what you thought was behind my back
came and sat caddie corner from our table
and that place where I used to pretend you loved me
died tragically between Hors Devours and
our main course
and I swallowed all of it down

I used to love you
God, I don’t think you can understand
how thirsty my soul was for the taste
of what contentment would feel like
you used to think you were so slick
but you weren’t – it was me, afterall,
sleeping with your best friend.

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